I wrote about an hour or so ago about feeling weird and all I let myself express was my concern about sending the kids off to Camp Cousins. But the other things I feel weird about keep rolling about in my head. I think perhaps I should just acknowledge them real quick like and then I can really focus on all that I have to do.
So, my hair has been falling out for a while now and I’ve had a complete check-up and my levels of everything were perfectly fine. I’ve started taking a multi-vitamin and extra supplements of B-12 (which has helped my energy, thank you very much) but I have noticed a whole lot of improvement when I shampoo. I have tried not to let it bother me much. My hair grows fast and if it does completely fall out I can finally have that Sinead O’Conner style I was never brave enough to try in high school. But this morning I French braided my hair and when I held up the hand mirror to see how the back looked I saw a big blank patch on the side of my head. Ok, maybe not big, but definitely blank and it made my stomach drop a bit just to see it. I think I have it covered now, and it’s really not that big of a deal, but then again, it kinda is.
Another thing I’m aware of this morning is a shift in myself of a less obvious kind, and I actually don’t think it’s a new one. I think the shift took place quite a long time ago I was just especially made aware of it this week. I get annoyed at the lady who keeps my kids sometimes, but not annoyed enough to change my child care arrangements for the summer. Wednesday morning I wasn’t especially please by how some things went. When I came back to the office rather than coming straight back to my seat and getting back to work I went up front and dramatically shared the issue with about 5 people at once. They made all the right sympathetic noises and told me how right I was and then I went back to my desk. Again, not that big of deal. I got to vent, got a little attention, and went on with my day. But there is a certain feeling one gets when addressing a group, when everyone is paying attention and nodding and agreeing, or being shocked or whatever. There is sort of a high to it that I guess I had forgotten about. I think I used to be addicted to it. In fact, I think I could even go so far as to say that a fair number of the “craziest” things I did back in the day were not so much for the pleasure in the moment of doing them, but for the pleasure of the drama of re-telling them.
I think this may have come up so strongly in my head last night and this morning because I decided to go ahead and let my “friends” know I have this blog. I think there’s a danger of me wanting to have something dramatic and interesting to share and feeling like I need to go out and create it. I hope I can resist.
And since loosing my job because I spend too much time typing on a blog is a drama I surely wish to avoid I really am going to stop now.
Oh, and I guess I should mention that I just figured out that I had the time stamp set for UTC instead of EST so this morning’s musing seem all out of order but that’s ok. 🙂